Humor: Clinton Campaign Reaches Out to Other Fugitives

Attempt to Compensate for Loss of Hsu

One week after losing a major fundraiser when fugitive financier Norman Hsu was arrested in Colorado, the presidential campaign of Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) today attempted to compensate for the loss of Hsu by reaching out to other fugitives.

“Say what you will about Norman, the dude raised $850,000 for us,” said one Clinton aide. “It’s not going to be easy filling Hsu’s shoes.”

As part of her new push to sign up fugitive financiers for her campaign, Sen. Clinton abruptly cancelled campaign stops in Iowa today to attend a special town hall meeting in the Cayman Islands.

Speaking to an audience made up entirely of fugitive financiers, Sen. Clinton said, “I am running so that you don’t have to.”

Vying for his own share of the fugitive financiers’ support, former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) sounded a similar theme during a campaign stop at a fortified compound in the Bahamas.

“I have often said that my father was a mill worker,” Sen. Edwards told his audience, “but my mother was a fugitive financier.”

Davis Logsdon, head of the political science department at the University of Minnesota, said that fugitive financiers could be a key voting bloc in the 2008 election: “I think they are going to be what soccer moms were in 2000.”

But Mr. Logsdon warned that wooing this key demographic would not be without its challenges: “Direct mail campaigns don’t work well with them, because most of them don’t have an address.”

Elsewhere, President Bush refuted Alan Greenspan’s charge that he seemed “bored” by economics, telling reporters, “I’m much more bored by education, health care and the environment.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=6771&srch=

 

 

 

NASA Scientists Challenge Security Rules

Scientists at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory and Goddard Space Flight Center are up in arms over a new requirement by NASA that they submit to detailed FBI scrutiny of their backgrounds in order to obtain clearance to go to work. They are claiming that the agency may be trying to control or silence them about issues like global warming.

The new security clearance requirement, which involves interviews of neighbors and checks into the distant background activities of scientists, many of whom have worked at JPL and Goddard for as long as thirty years, is puzzling because both locations have little or no involvement in secret or national security research. Indeed, by law, NASA's activities and the research its scientists engage in are required to be publicly available.

"Almost nobody at NASA does classified work," says Robert Nelson, a veteran scientist at JPL who heads up the photo analysis unit on the Cassini-Huygens space probe project exploring Saturn and its moons. "I think this is really all about NASA director [Michael] Griffin putting a security wrap around us."

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20070910/lindorff

Just Don't Call Them Communes

....These days, however, Loudoun County is also at the forefront of a very different if no less American vision: the commune.

 

The idea that like-minded individuals should forge a community is on something of a comeback tour. An online directory of "intentional communities" has more than doubled in the past two years to 1,295 in North America, and 20 new listings are added each month.

Past imperfect. But forget the term commune. Try "ecovillage," where residents live in Earth-friendly homes on communal land, or "cohousing," where a common house serves as a gathering place. Driven by a green ethos and discontent with impersonal suburbs, residents frequently dine together, share possessions, and baby-sit one another's children. But shared income is a thing of the past, and private homes are essential. Still, the old stereotypes of socialism, drugs, and rebellion dog these communities. "We've fought this for years," says Joani Blank, a cohousing advocate who lives in a divvied-up former market in Oakland, Calif. "Our ideology is about neighborhoods more than anything else."

Poverty and disillusionment drove many older communes to extinction, but the idea was reincarnated, particularly in Europe, in the post-Cold War era. By 1995, Danish activists Hildur and Ross Jackson had created the Global Ecovillage Network to promote sustainable living around the world. Even some of the most archetypal communes, such as the 1960s socialist experiment, the Farm in Tennessee, have reshaped themselves. In New York, the 175-acre EcoVillage at Ithaca boasts two 30-home neighborhoods, office space, and working farms....

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/news/articles/070805/13commune.htm

Reality is overrated anyway

I May Have Gone Insane
By William Rivers Pitt
Wednesday 19 September 2007

We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.

- Robert Frost, "The Secret Sits"

    It is a legitimately demented phenomenon, all the more so because it all started with a joke. Not even a funny joke, either, but a sad and threadbare thing I told only to myself, and no one else. When the clustered elements of our collective national burden erupted in masterfully synchronized bedlam, as they so often seem to, I had that joke to tell myself, and it may not have helped much, but it was there.

    Every time another cacophony of freshly minted lunacy was unleashed - lunacy regarding Iraq, the NSA domestic surveillance program, White House defiance of subpoenas, timorously flaccid performances by the Congressional majority, or merely when enduring the repeated "nukyalur"-ized butchery of public political rhetoric was required by my employers, all of which emphatically pegged the needle on my Pandemoni-O-Meter - I had that joke to tell myself.

    The joke is spherically terrible, i.e. bad in every possible direction in three dimensions and across 360 rounded degrees. It isn't even a joke, really, which may be why it went so abruptly and bewilderingly sideways on me months ago. The joke, to be embarrassingly honest, is more like some half-bright mantra than anything else. As I came to discover, however, it managed to settle my mind when the needle was in the red. Perhaps the thing is best described as my self-generated Zen koan; though it did not actually stop my mind in proper koan fashion, it kept me from putting my head through the wall, and that made it valuable indeed.

    The joke: people say Bush and his people want to raze the core nature of the country itself by wrecking the Constitution, and they're correct. People say Bush and his people are enriching their friends beyond dreams of avarice at our actual expense, by way of war-inflated oil prices; war-captured Iraqi oil infrastructure; the orgiastic plunder of Treasury money through calamitously unsound tax cuts for Bush's pals; and through an Iraq war profiteering scam so unutterably corrupt that it bends the very light. That, and more besides, is what people say, and they're correct.

    But all that, along with everything else the Bush crew has done, just isn't enough for them. What Bush and his people really seek, at bottom, is to destroy the basic definition and literal existence of reality itself. They want to destroy reality, rebuild it according to their own blueprint, so the sum and substance of this new reality will accept as axiomatic the idea that lying, stealing and wholesale carnage are badges of integrity and moral clarity. In other words, our comprehensively understood reality today would be replaced by whatever madcap anti-reality currently exists within the walls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

    I warned you.

    As bad as that chaotically crossbred joke/rant/mantra thing is, it wasn't meant to be anything other than a harmless sliver of wordplay, something that settled my nerves and gave me a private little chuckle - that alone, and nothing more.

    Things are different now. It isn't a joke anymore, at least not to me. The premise that the Bush administration has literally been trying to shatter elemental reality on planet Earth has steadily gained traction in my mind. It started as that sort-of joke, then it became an idea, and then it became an actual hypothesis, a working theory requiring research and evidence and argument so that, someday, I can prove it to be an unassailable bone-basic truth.

    And yes, the fact that I'm quite serious about this has me quietly yet legitimately concerned for my own mental health. What worries me the most, however, is a freshly minted suspicion that it is already over, that the deal already went down, but almost nobody actually noticed when it happened. I think these Bush folks may have successfully pulled it off right in front of our noses over the course of this past August. I think they may have actually broken reality, cobbling together a chaotic replacement, and I think I can back up that supposition all the way down the block and back again.

    Bear with me.

    The process began in earnest more than a year ago with a publicity campaign that deliberately made no sense whatsoever. Day after day, statements and declarations came from all manner of White House officials that were little more than bags of over-the-moon nonsense - all patently inaccurate to nine decimals, yet spoken shamelessly into cameras with bare faces hanging out.

    With this, the Bush folks laid the mental foundation of the new reality to come; that foundation had to transmute lies into facts while still stuck in the old reality, but they had an edge that may have proven decisive: trust. If the American people hear the White House repeatedly claim that water is not wet and Godzilla is real, many of those Americans will believe it after a fashion.

    The rumored totality of America's cynical scorn for politics and leaders notwithstanding, this country has many citizens who still believe, even after what has happened, that if the president of the United States says it, then it must be true. This isn't a conscious thing; it happens way back in the slushy part of the brain, where unpleasant facts or disquieting fears are submerged and drowned like rats in an applesauce vat. Bush and his crew counted on that, using TV news messaging to furrow the field in preparation for seeding time, and their trust in the trust of Americans was shown to be well-placed.

    When the serious push came, it came fast and furious. Dick Cheney declared that the Vice President's office no longer existed within the Executive branch because he didn't want to give any of his documents to the National Archives as is required by law, and actually went on to defend the legitimacy of his astonishing, arrogant, galactically mistaken declaration, and he got away with it.

    Bush's lawyers put forth a claim of Executive Privilege that was the very living essence of overheated hubris run amok - a claim that for all intents and purposes declared Bush and his people to be fully and completely above the rule of law, and he got away with it. Subpoenas issued by Congress were either utterly ignored or smugly slapped aside, and the lawyers got away with it.

    Another piece of draconian surveillance legislation aimed at shattering our remaining rights arrived in Congress, so the Bush folks brazenly bullied the majority into passing it by threatening to blame them for the next terrorist attack to come, whereupon the majority instantly wilted like orchids in a snowbank, the bill passed with room to spare, and once again they got away with it.

    Cheney's chief of staff was convicted for lying about lying about lying about outing a deep-cover CIA agent and sentenced to federal prison, initiating the single most observably crooked bag-job in modern political history: Libby took the bullet for his boss, got rewarded for his service with a presidential get-out-of-jail-free card, and they all got away with it.

    All of this was deployed in rapid succession, presenting the American people with a sudden feast of gibberish that has redefined incoherence across the board: the VP is not in the executive branch, and the executive branch is above the law, and the majority in Congress is actually the minority, and obstructing justice to protect Cheney from being prosecuted for annihilating a CIA operative isn't anything to get in a snit about. If that is not prima facie evidence that a new reality has been imposed upon us, then I don't know what is.

    After all that came August, and if I'm right, the process was brought to a successful conclusion. In a way, this was the greatest challenge for Bush and his people, because they all had to argue time and again that Iraq was doing fine, that the whole thing was about freedom, that there was no civil war, that the "surge" worked, that the American people truly supported the whole bloody carnivorous process, and be damned with poll numbers and pundits and contradictory facts. General Petraeus was rolled out on cue, he hummed his bars and faked it at the same time, and as far as the mainstream press was concerned, the White House won the argument and that's that.

    Think about it. The weapons of mass destruction were not there, connections to 9/11 and Osama bin Laden were not there, the hearts and flowers were not there, thousands upon thousands have been killed, billions upon billions of taxpayer dollars have been translated into the bank accounts of administration allies, a civil war is raging beyond any semblance of control there, Iraq's much-ballyhooed democracy is almost as chaotic as the streets outside Parliament, and the entire disaster has become a Quantico training ground for scores of bomb-makers looking to ply their trade in the wider world beyond.

    And they got away with it. If that is reality, I want no part of it.

    It must be clearly understood, however, that I do not discount the very real possibility that I have, finally and for all time, gone insane because of all this. My theory is not proven beyond doubt; my suspicions grow stronger by the hour, but I could simply be this barking madman no longer able to recognize reality even when it is staring me in the eye. I'm pretty sure of my footing, but the truth is that if I did go over the high side somewhere along the line, I'd be the last person to figure that out.

    Therefore, I'm going to wrap myself in the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, if only to replace what once was my comforting little joke before the metamorphosis flipped everything upside down on me. "The test of a first-rate intelligence," said Fitzgerald, "is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."

    I make no claim to any sort of first-rate intelligence, but I'm going to try to hold these two thoughts in my mind for as long as possible. One thought says reality itself has been detonated with calculated premeditation by Bush and his people. The other thought remembers what it was like before anything like the first thought was even remotely conceived of. Each thought, I think, will nurture and protect the other once the three of us are all settled in, and I will continue to retain the ability to function.

    Meh. Reality is overrated anyway.

 

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/091907R.shtml

Black Ops Jungle

The Academy of Military-Industrial-Complex Studies

"....Now add a new kind of program to the list: homeland security high. In late August, Maryland's Joppatowne High School became the first school in the country dedicated to churning out would-be Jack Bauers. The 75 students in the Homeland Security and Emergency Preparedness magnet program will study cybersecurity and geospatial intelligence, respond to mock terror attacks, and receive limited security clearances at the nearby Army chemical warfare lab.

The new school is funded and guided by a slew of federal, state, and local agencies, not to mention several defense firms. Officials say it will teach kids to understand the "new reality," though they hasten to add that the school isn't focused just on terrorism. School administrators, channeling Cheneyesque secrecy, refused to be interviewed for this story. But it's no secret that the program is seen as a model for the rest of the country, with the Pentagon and other agencies watching closely...."

http://www.motherjones.com/news/outfront/2007/09/black-ops-jungle.html

Alien Life Forms More Alien Than Assumed?

"....Indeed, the ancient Gnostics also warned of the existence of such inorganic entities that were observed to be jealous of humanity, and in the process, sought to use their technologies to manipulate, control, and enslave humanity.

Could extraterrestrial life be made of corkscrew-shaped particles of interstellar dust? The findings hint at the possibility that life beyond earth may not necessarily use carbon-based molecules as its building blocks. Life on Earth is organic. It is composed of organic molecules, which are simply the compounds of carbon, excluding carbonates and carbon dioxide. The idea that particles of inorganic dust may take on a life of their own is in itself, nothing short of alien, and goes beyond the silicon-based life forms favoured by some science fiction stories.

Now, an international team has discovered that under the right conditions, particles of inorganic dust can become organised into helical structures. These structures can then interact with each other in ways that are usually associated with organic compounds and life itself...."

http://www.agoracosmopolitan.com/home/Frontpage/2007/09/14/01776.html

The Devil's Box

....This is "soft" brainwashing, even more effective because its victims go about their lives unaware of what is being done to them. Television, with its reach into nearly every American home, creates the basis for the mass brainwashing of citizens, like you.

It works on a principle of tension and release. Create tension, in a controlled environment, increasing the level of stress. Then provide a series of choices that provide release from the tension. As long as the victim believes that the choices presented are the only choices available, even if they are at first glance unacceptable, he will nevertheless, ultimately seek release by choosing one of these unacceptable choices. Under these circumstances, in a brainwashing, controlled environment, such choice-making is not a ``rational'' experience. It does not involve the use of man's creative mental powers; instead man is conditioned, like an animal, to respond to the tension, by seeking release.

The key to the success of this brainwashing process is the regulation of both the tension and the perceived choices. As long as both are controlled, then the range of outcomes is also controlled. The victim is induced to walk down one of several pathways acceptable for his controllers. The brainwashers call the tension-filled environment "social turbulence." The last decades have been full of such social turbulence--economic collapse, regional wars, population disasters, ecological and biological catastrophes. Social turbulence creates crises in perceptions, causing people to lose their bearings.

Adrift and confused, people seek release from the tension, following paths that appear to lead to a simpler, less tension-filled life. There is no time in such a process for rational consideration of complicated problems. Television is the key vehicle for presenting both the tension and the choices. It brings you the images of the tension, and serves up simple answers. Television, in its world of semi-reality, of illusion, of escape from reality, is itself the single most important release from our tension-wracked existence. Eight hours a day, every day, through its programming, you are being programmed.....

 

 http://www.jimmarrs.com/news.php?recordnumber=507

"It's Time for We the People to Put the 'Decider' Through the Decider Mill"

Swami Beyondananda Calls for Impeachment

by Swami Beyondananda

As a devout FUNdamentalist (accent on "fun") dedicated to bringing about
Nonjudgment Day, I try to avoid judging and blame. In fact, I think people
who judge are terrible, and those who blame are the cause of all the world's
problems. And as a Swami -- even a fake one -- I feel obliged to be above
politics. But no matter how high I try to rise above it on my magic carpet,
the smell is unavoidable. The perpetrations of this Administration stink to
high heaven.

Now we know the whole idea of impeachment is tinged with partisanship,
particularly in the light of the Bill Clinton affair. Indeed, Clinton
publicly lied about a private matter and the Republicans gleefully made his
privates public. But now even Republicans must face the sad truth that
America has traded one lie-about for another who will lie about anything and
everything. Not to excuse cheating on Hillary, but our current lie-about
has been unfaithful to the Constitution and the rule of law. Bush and
Cheney have been cheating on all of us. (And yes, both must be impeached.
If we want justice to be done, we have to go right up the
Cheney-of-command.)

In addition to producing and directing The Iraqi Horror Picture Show --
and using G-rated trailers to hide X-rated content -- the Bush-Cheney
Administration has instituted a disturbing policy of "ethic cleansing."
This cleansing of ethical people from positions of power not only has caused
our entire moral compass to go south, but has allowed "psychopathogens"
(opportunistic organisms with a poisonality disorder) to infect the body
politic, and the political discourse. Meanwhile, the "fear-gnomes" --
little gnomes of gnawing fear -- the Administration injected into the
mainstream lowered our resistance to Mad Cowboy Disease, an affliction we're
still suffering from.

But, as the saying goes, the truth shall upset you free. George Bush
has been an enlightening rod to enlighten and awaken a slumbering body
politic to an issue that is bigger than politics -- the rule of law vs. the
overrule of law. And now after being abused by the abuse of power, the
American people are starting to disabuse themselves. They are waking up and
wising up, and that's good because we could use a good upwising in this
country. Despite a massive media impropaganda machine that feeds the public
"babblum" (strained B.S. made digestible for a simple child's mind), more
and more Americans are reading between the lyin's and peering behind the
Irony Curtain.

We are awakening to realize that we the people are the "deciders," and
ultimately we get to decide who our Decider will be ... and who to put
through the decider mill. And the issue is bigger than Democrats vs.
Republicans. The real issue is "buy-partisan." Parties in both parties are
being bought, and our public servants are serving up huge chunks of the
commonwealth to help gold collar criminals become uncommonly wealthy.

The good news is, we don't need a revolution in this country. We
already had one. Now we need an American Evolution to reconstitute the
Constitution from the grassroots up and reestablish the dream of our
Founding Fathers -- government of the people, by the people and for the
people where the government does our bidding not the bidding of the highest
bidder.

How do we start the evolution? By firing the first big shots.

It's time for left and right to come front and center to stand for our
highest values instead of falling for the lowest common dominator. It's
time to impeach the entire impeachable system where the rule of gold has
overruled the Golden Rule. And the time to act is now. Why? Because it is
too late to do it sooner.

I have a dream. Imagine going to the voting booth and casting your vote
for ... the greater of two goods. Oh, and impeachment has another benefit.
If we are successful, we will have a woman President -- without having to
elect Hillary.

http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/news.html